I realised that the time in blogspot is actually accurate... XD Omg... How dumb.

Okay...

I just wanna say something, relate something...

Just now, around 5-10 mins ago, there's this guy that confessed to me. It wasn't such a big deal. I had wrote it in my resolutions that I will not exclaim in disgust when someone confesses or have a crush on me. Everybody's a human. Well, it was weird because I did not feel panicky and heart thumping. I felt just... normal. Omg, maybe the years of my 'quarantine-from-love' actually messes up my emotions; I don't even blush anymore! Something must be wrong...

I guess I wouldn't reveal his name or anything, so let me just copy the chat. But, of course, I denied him politely, just see the chat. I can't believe I did something this brave, to turn down someone, which I don't think I have done a lot. Wait...

Me: sorry... (somewhere after the confession)

Him: hope you don't feel bad
no...
i should say sorry
^^;;

Me: nope i dun feel bed...
*bad
wrote everything in my resolutions

Him: lol ^^;;
hmm?

Me: i'm just waiting...

Him: what do you wrote?
waiting?

Me: for someone

Him: ...........
you...love someone?

Me: nope
i love a lot of people
i guess u could say that
i hope u dun mind

Him: it's ok...
:)
but...
fion...
is it ok...if...
i have feelings on you? ><;;;
um...

Me: yeah, but keep in mind that i won't feel the same :)

Him: :D
ok...
but i wanna told you that
i am a type of person that will never lie and loyal to u
and..i will try not to make you sad ^^
ne.. :)

Me: nvrmind
did u tell other ppl?

Him: nope
you between you and me :)

Ok, I know, people do not just copy and paste a chat and everything but since this blog had so little visitors, I'd thought I'll post it. I'm sorry if this post offended anything, though I don't think so. Now we are still chatting. He asked me:

Him: urm...
fion..
would you free next month or next week?

Me: nope

Him: oh...

Me: forever not free
and i can't go out

Him: oh...
parents ne..
i see...

Me: me too
lazy...

Him: ......
oh...
well...
i thought i wanna meet you in person...
you know...
get to know you well :)

Me: oh~
is it an indirect date
?

Him: you never meet me too right? :)
urm....
if...you think so...yes ><;;;
(man i feel awkward here)

Me: i dun think so, what do u think

Him: then it will be just a normal hangout then :)
and..i dun think much about lol
:)
eh...sorry ya fion..
this comes all too sudden ==;;

Me: it's oka... (okay, omg...)
normal...
but what's ur true intention to go out?

Him: just to know you :)
you scared?
you can ask your sis to come along too

Me: i can't come...

Him: well...i wont have guts to harm people anyway

Me: i mean, i dun normally go out

Him: you will know why if you know me well
ok...
it's ok...

Me: ??

Him: i just inviting you anyway .. :)
lol you blurred? XDD

Me: ok...

I don't think I wanna talk about this anymore... It makes me feel dizzy and over-conscious. But one thing that I'm glad of is; I dunno why I didn't over-react. In fact, I feel normal. But, it's okay! I'm just gonna wait and wait... and wait... wait, wait... wait... for that guy that will be my husband though it's early to talk about it now. OTZ

Then, now I think I shall close this post. :) Bye bye, this may just be the beginning of my problems...

Oh and, in The Bachelor: London Calling, he married Shayne! OMG! I can't believe it! With the children author off and Noelle, I can't believe Shayne did it! I'm in heaven! HahahaHAHAHAH!!!!!

Tuesday, 17/01/2011, 22.46pm

Yeah, I'm back after I don't know how long. XD Been writing anime lyrics into my new lyrics book and I don't know if I even can finish it or not. Wrote 10 lyrics, some still incomplete. Maybe all's complete except for Kuroshitsuji's 'Monochrome Kiss'.

Now listening to Pandora Heart's soundtrack, which I assume, all are composed by Yuki Kajiura, because her name is imprinted in the picture. Omg, I adore Yuki Kajiura! She makes awesome songs, nolstagic kind. Now listening to 'Parallel Hearts' which is the opening song for Pandora Hearts. I copied the lyrics somewhere last week and had been practicing it. I'm like singing it every day... OTZ

Other than this, there is also other songs that I sing practically every day! I must have like singing a lot... OTZ Yeah, another 2 is Kuroshitusji's 'Lacrimosa' and Letter Bee's 'Hatenaki Michi'. No idea what it means... XD I don't want to make this a long and boring blog post, so I'll speed up and shorten it.

Okay, just now someone posted a video on FB, so I check it out. I ended up sharing it and tagged some people because it is so fucking sad. I kinda hope you missed the word before 'sad', because that is not like me. I would only say that when I think something is more extreme than the normal things. Okay, I shall summarise it:

It talks about a disabled man and his dog, trained dog who takes care of the disables. He lives for 17 years which means 100 in human years. After a while, his legs begin to weaken and when he walks, he would fall down. Omg, it's so sad... He helps his master in whatever, his daily life and everything; he was loyal. Then came the day when he no longer can walk or even see, so he just lay on a kind of cloth with his master beside him on his wheelchair.

The dog felt the presence of strangers (videomen) and begins to cry to protect his master from them, because he can't see. They invited a foreign woman, who communicates with animals and she tries to get in tune with the dog and told the master what the dog said.

It was so damn sad... T^T He said that he wants the master to be happy, so he would feel happy too. Omg, I broke down... The dog revealed that they went to see baseball tournaments, which is true. It was so sad, so SAD, SO SAD!!!!!!!!! The dog is loyal, damn... He said that he loves the master a lot, and he hope to always be by his side. Like even if he died and reincarnate or something. Reminds me of the song 'Servant of Evil'.

Anyway, I cried. CRIED. Omg, it has been such a long time... The shows I cried for is maybe 'Koizora', 'Hachiko', 'Helen the Baby Fox' and some other Japanese movies. T_T Yeah, I know I had said that it wouldn't be long, but...

Haiz... I tagged some people and if I did tag you, please do not hesitate and just watch it. OTZ Hmm... I must have wanted to say something but I forgot... XD

Okay, bye!

Time has finally passed, huh? Here I am, a year ago thinking that the next December wouldn't come fast, but now, it's the last day of the 'December' I said last year. Have you been enjoying your 2011? If not, I really wish you a happy time next year and the year after. Who knows what'll happen next year? Maybe you'll fall in love, or even suddenly find interest in studies, who knows?

So, I have to log off now and I wish you all a Merry Happy New Year! I'm anticipating what will happen next year and I certaintly don't think the world is gonna end! Think positive and be forgiving and just enjoy life~

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012 :)

Sunday
25/12/2011
1.31am

Merry Christmas to everyone! How have you been enjoying yours?? :) I had an outing today which means yesterday on Saturday, but I don't consider it as tomorrow when I haven't sleep. XD Are you having fun on your Christmas? I hope you do 'cos it only happens once a year.

How I wish Malaysia has snow... But it means that we have to burrow our way out! We could play snowball fights and build snowmen too! XD

Well, my mood is kinda ruined today when the Canon guy said my boy cosplay looks like a girl while Dion looks like a proper boy. It really gets on my nerves, not about Dion, but about the part where he said that I do not look like a boy. I mean, I tried my best and they said that, it's just a stab straight to the heart...

My uncle adds to it too, saying I look more lady which just completely ruins my mood, said it a few times too. And when we're dancing 'Trick and Treat', Mummy said that too and it's the offensive max level. It really kills me... T_T

I felt so offended that I wanna do something offensive... Haiz... Took an arrow to the knee... But it's okay. My uncle said I looked too much like a lady, but I said 'Just watch me. I'm going to look like a proper boy! You bet'cha!'

I'm gonna try really hard!! And also in my studies!! Yeah!!!! JUST WATCH ME. Let's see at the end of next year what I'll be doing...

It's the 123rd post!! Haha! What's more is that I had flu, either caught from somewhere or I make it upon myself. OTZ

Bye now~ :) Enjoy Christmas!!

Thursday
22/12/2011
21:48pm

Apparently, my PMR results aren't that great... :( I feel so somber and sad... Out of 7 subjects, I got 2As, 3Bs and 2Cs. well, I'm lucky that my Cs does not overpower my Bs. Now listening to Yuki Kajiura's 'Little One, So Sweet - Rainbow - Lost Wings'. The title is really suitable for my mood now, but the song is actually cute and jumpy at the start but now it became sentimental... OTZ

Omg, I love this music. The front reminds me of the joy before reaching out for the results and now, the music reminds me of the horrific moment when I saw my results and thought that it was a mixed-up case. I have even been thinking to sms to the goverment for the confirmation of the marks. But I didn't.

I did sobbed a little because of shock, and in front of Mei Thoong's mom at that. I didn't regret it, at least not as much as I think. Why is the music changing! Now it's suits my after effect mood. OTZ Music box version. Ahh, it ended.

Now it's 'A Song of Storm and Fire' live version. I chose the playlist in Youtube. Gives me hope somehow... I'm just babbling right now... Now's the violin solo part. Why am I writing the songs out... I guess I'll just write it based on how the songs compliment my feelings. It sounds like 'Standup. You can do it. Next year.' Omg, what am I saying...

I'm getting weird. Oh, Dion got 5As and 2Bs respectively. I think she deserves it. I am beginning to think if different classes really affects the marks. I know very well that I've tried my best and I'll accept whatever the outcome may be.

'Mezame' is playing now, no idea what it meant. I recommend you check Yuki Kajiura's songs out. They're nice~ I'm like writing one paragraph per song... That's how I felt. This song makes me reflect upon myself. Since yesterday, I told myself that no matter what happened, I shall accept it and head on. Today I found that I accept it a whole lot better than I thought. I realised that I could try all over again next year. :) So, no worries. I'll take that results paper as my burning fuel for next year, my motivation.

Now's 'Yami no Prologue' for the animation 'Crisis Core'. Well, as expected, I got A for English and surprisingly the other for MATHS. Never would have imagined since my Maths is always C. It's a short song.

Now is 'Bloody Rabbit' from Pandora Hearts! No wonder it's so familiar. The 3Bs is for Geography, Science and Malay. C is for History and Kemahiran Hidup Bersekutu. My 2 weakest subjects. Kemahiran Hidup Bersekutu (KHB) means something like home skills. Oh, random, I had a Youtube account :AngelofMagick, which I don't use. OTZ

'To Nowhere' is playing. I think I heard that song before. So, next year's the time to face head on to whatever it may be! I asked Yong Jin to be my half-tutor, seeing that he has 7As, straight As. I wanna be stronger next year and be no longer the frightened me. Hah, so much for the motivational talk, let's see 2 years later...

'Will' is playing. All this songs belongs to Kajiura-san. Anyway, I don't wanna be scared of braces next year if I'm even gonna wear one. I think I will, my teeth is not that nice... I want to be more fearless that I'd ever be and shape myself up for my future even though I know no goals... OTZ 'Tsuyoku naru!', I want to be stronger! But there's always 2 thing that turns me off; Sports Day and Road Run Day. Arghhh!!!

Listening to 'Noir'. And now 'Morning Moon'. It's Kobato's amv they're playing now. Ahh, they are showing the last 2 episode!!! It's so sad!!! I think I had enough of talking... Bye bye~~

Monday
19/12/2011
00.43am

CF is officially finished now... T_T Didn't get to watch the screening. Didn't get to see Shimokawa and Ceui (even though I don't know them XD) because we have to eat with Ashley for lunch for her b'day. Miss out on a lot of things...

But! I finally get to fulfill my dream; to take a pic with Fran from KHR. Dreaming since I saw a Fran in C2AGE 2011. I wanted to cosplay Fran but no money, no time, uncle said Fran does not look like a person but I LOVE him. So cute~!!! I got to take it with him, and a real boy at that! It was kinda awkward because he'd just took off his frog head and did something to his clothes so he asked me to hang-on for a while. He looks so cute! <3 Here's Fran:



Isn't he a cutie pie? Maybe not for some people OTZ But as far as I know, people that knows him doesn't have a grudge over him. He only appears at the back parts of Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

This blog is the process, dumping area and whatnots for me, you can check out my 'outcome' blog at (shake-the-passion.blogspot.com)

That blog is like I said, an 'outcome' blog, which means I dump my finished works there, like cosplay photoshoots, photography and drawing. Do comment there if you do! I did a little photoshoot and wished to update it as soon possible! Went to CF today (day 2) and had a tiny photoshoot with Ashley and my sis. Photograph is taken by Kcee Kua, really nice~~! <3 It cheers me up a lot, knowing that I have nice photos instead of blurry photos that are taken in dark spots of the convention center...

Trying to do a Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) cosplay team with Dion. I'll be doing Ciel, she'll be doing Trancy. There comes a time when I'll finally cosplay Jiggy Pepper (Letter Bee/Tegami Bachi), and that time, my first cool character will come true. By observing my sister and me, people likes cool people more because I had always cosplay cuter charas...

Want to cosplay cool boys and magical girls! My 2 aims! If I manage to do it right, I'll be infinitely happy. My life is complete today; my beloved Gauche Suede had came to me. Yes!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you~!!! Wah!!!

We went and exchange money for coins (RM5 for 1 coin T_T, so expensive, normal is RM4 for 1 coin) to turn out the balls in a machine.We saw Letter Bee and went to put the coins in it, needs 2 coins... Joey, my cousin, is VERY lucky... Wanna cry T_T. She's cosplaying as Niche (she loves her a lot) and got Niche! Not fair!!! Then, Dion went and turned; she got Lag Seeing (my cosplay chara!). I was the last to put the coins, and I was like 'Noir, Noir, please Noir, Noir, Noir!!!' Then I put in the coins and you know what, I got Steak. Sometimes things just doesn't go the way you want. Wait, there's more!

On the 2nd day, we went again, this time Joey's not cosplay, going back to becoming our 'maid'! XD Me, not wanting to give up, went again and hoped, hoped, hoped. 'Noir!!!' I turned, last again, and what do you know, this time it's not Steak but it's Gauche!!! Noir is Gauche's older version, with smaller eyes, but he's still sexy!) I couldn't be happier!! I would cry on that spot if I didn't get him... I was so excited and keep on exclaimed 'Gauche, Gauche!!' Lydion, my tuition friend, were there with me, also exclaiming because she said Gauche is really cool. We tried to open the ball, but can't, and twisted it. After a long time, I got to open it and little Gauche flew all the way from the ball to the floor. Lydion picked him up for me (omg, thanks!! <3) because it's hard for me to bend down in Will's costume. We were squelling. Go keychain Gauche!

Oh, I met a Gauche cosplayer on Day 1 and took a photo with him. He asked for my FB name and I gave him. Is it just me, or ppl can't get my name's spelling correct?? It's okay, if it was me, I'd probably couldn't hear it properly too. XD

I'm sorry if this post is too long. Here's a little pic to accompany:



Lag Seeing's picture is unavailable at the moment because I can't seem to find the file in my laptop (where is IT?!?! Arghhh!!!) and neither can I find it on FB. Been stalking my own photos in FB since yesterday night and can't find any *hearts dropped* except for a pic where we were the background people when the photographer was shooting a cosplayer. At least my face can be seen. /foreveralone.jpeg/

I think that's enough for now. XD Gonna say lotsa things later if I remember! Bye~~ <3

Thursday
15/12/2011
5.26pm

Hello, people! Comic Fiesta (CF for short) is coming soon on this Sat and Sun! I am excited but worried too. Worrying about what I should do, or if I did the right thing... It is the 2nd cosplay event I will be participating this year; the first one's at C2AGE.

I trimmed my Lag Seeing wig today and I am kinda proud of myself! Wanna upload it but my phone's spoiled and I don't really know how to transfer pics from the camera (in short, lazy). Kinda.. Still, I'm not in the mood to organize my pics in a large scale. Made a checklist yesterday night on my phone and Mummy asked me who I'm sms-ing to, so I told her I'm doing a checklist. Made one for tomorrow too, in case I forgot something and goes into depression.

Okay! I shall prepare the letters for Tegami Bachi~ I mean, I prepared it already, just missing the seals and the stamps. Let me go through the checklist:

1. Put contact lens in solution. [CHECKED]
2. Trim Lag's wig. [CHECKED]
3. Do Tegami Bachi's seals and rub pencil lines off envelopes.
4. Create the parcel paper for Ashley's b'day present.
5. Think of plans for Ashley's b'day surprise.
6. Comb Will's wig.
7. Rewatch Pandora Hearts.
8. Stick stamps onto Tegami Bachi's envelopes.
9. Finishing touches of x'mas cards.
10. Test Lag's cosplay.

Only 2 checked... OTZ Gonna continue tomorrow too. Yeah, I am trying to surprise Ashley on CF, but have to think of plan B, C, etc too. Just in case it happened the opposite.

So, now I shall log off and to whoever that's going to CF as a cosplayer or a visitor, gambatte ne!

Tried dancing Stardust Utopia by Vocaloid's Luka Megurine! Oh, that has gotta be the hardest dance ever! But, don't fret! 'Cos I'm not giving up 'till I learn the whole dance! Ganbatte ne!

Learned the dance for until 23 seconds only, which is before she started singing. But I somehow learned it in about 10 mins! XD That's kinda quick for me~ I like Luka and her dances. It's so cool~! The dance I'm learning is really fast and requires lotsa energy that sometimes I panicked.

The modem was down for a few days last week, so that's the reason I haven't update my blog. And also my diary. Yeah, I have a diary, which is inside my laptop for things that are more personal. So the topics here and inside my diary is like 2 different worlds. Kind of. XD